Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
