What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
