You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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