We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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