i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
