WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
