thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
