im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
