what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
