wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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