well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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