If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
