I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
