he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
