i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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