I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
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He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
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What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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