Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
