You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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