And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Someone came in the potted fern
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
