God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
