six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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