his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
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At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
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"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize