How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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