we have pet lesbian snakes
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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