we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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