Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
