I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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