Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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