cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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