This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just blew my weed a kiss
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
