I think i peed on brittanys purse
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
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I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
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You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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