I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
