i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
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Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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