what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
