I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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