I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
