I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
