Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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