fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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