he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
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That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
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Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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