He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
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She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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