This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
