I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
