So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize