You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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