I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize