i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake