you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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