He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
