He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
