The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
