it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
