Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
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Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
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I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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