We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
