But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
