it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
