And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
